Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i think i just lost a toe
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
