Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
