Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
