We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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