The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
