In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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