apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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