We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
