I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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