The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize
