she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
