Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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