i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize