C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
