Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
