put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
