I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
