I like my sex mixed with concussions.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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