O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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