Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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