if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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