you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
