Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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