Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
