The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
