I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
