elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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