I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
