I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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