Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
