Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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