pop tarts are not kleenex
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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