You're my little dorito
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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