Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize