I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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