apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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