Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
