apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
