I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
