Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
