My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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