If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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