It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
