We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
