She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
