we're blogging at a bar
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
