i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize