Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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