i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
