paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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