dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
