I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
