I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
