Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My hand turned me down
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize