Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
