He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
