She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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