Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
