looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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