WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God I need to hump something, right now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
