So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want a musical about memes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
