tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
