Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize