he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
