Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
