Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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