so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
