my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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