I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
