I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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