Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
