Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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