I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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