I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
