ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize