I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
